May

6

2011

Witnessing an Accident

Tonight I made one of those parenting decisions that leaves you wondering if it was the right thing hours later.  We went out to dinner and while eating there was an accident outside of the window.  A person was crossing the street (which is a very busy street) and was hit by a car.  While we did not see the person get hit the restaurant became focused on the person laying in the street.  People responded to help the person hit, to direct traffic, to call for help, to calm the nerves of those involved.  We stayed at our table, but it was very apparent to everyone in the restaurant that something serious was going on outside.  Amalea came to sit on Jim’s lap and was obviously very concerned about what was going on.  Amalea asks a lot of questions and at this time her questions were all about what was going on.  What happened to the person?  Were they ok?  Why was everyone looking out the window?

I made the decision to take Amalea to see what was going on.  As we looked out the window Amalea and I talked about how we can respond to accidents and emergencies.  We talked about helping people when they get hurt.  We talked about strangers coming together to help someone in need.  We talked about firefighters and paramedics and how they help and are trained to respond to accidents and injuries.  Most of all we talked about helping and why that is so important.

So, the question is whether or not I should have taken her to look out the window?  She was obviously upset while sitting at our table (away from the window) and my hope was that by taking her to look out the window she would see that the person was ok and that people were working together to help.

Tonight while going to bed Amalea came out of her room crying.  She said she was really sad that someone got hurt and kept asking if the person was ok.  Her concern was sincere and it absolutely broke my heart.  And so now as I sit in bed with her asleep next to me I wonder if witnessing an accident was too much for her little 3 year old heart.

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May

4

2011

ISFJ

What is an ISFJ??

  • Introvert – Attentive.  Get energy internally. Prefer a few close friends rather than a wide circle. Large social situations take a lot of energy.
  • Sensing – Observant. More concrete than abstract. Details rather than big picture.
  • Feeling – Friendly. Value personal considerations above objective criterion. Social implications more important than logic.
  • Judging – Scheduled. Plan activities and make decisions early.  Control through predictability.

As I read through analysis of ISFJ temperaments I can’t help but notice how accurately they describe me.  While I am not one to quickly attach to a label, I do find reading about temperament to be oddly calming.  It is as if reading about who I am is helping me to understand a lot of the uneasiness I have been experiencing lately.

I think this explanation sums it up well: “As an ISFJ your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.”

If you care to read more details, below you will find bullet points that I compiled from a few websites of things that I believe describe me well. Some of these are positive and some are not – but I do think they are all realistic.

  • Primary interest is the safety and security of those they care about
  • Families are the center of their lives
  • Extraordinary sense of loyalty and responsibility
  • Want to believe the best about people
  • Shyness is often misjudged as stiffness or coldness
  • Try to do everything themselves (notoriously bad at delegating)
  • Frugality is a virtue
  • Do not usually express own feelings, but keep them inside

And now my thoughts on each of these bullets!

  • [Safety and security of others]…I am a worrier.  If I fear that someone I love may not be safe then I panic.  It’s not healthy and while it’s great that I care about those I love, I really do need to relax and not worry if someone is 10 minutes late!
  • [Family is center]…I am a much better person because of my family.  I value them more than anything and I need to show that more.  My husband, my girls – they are everything.
  • [Loyalty and Responsibility]…I will stick by people even when I have been walked all over.  It’s just how I am.  And if I feel responsible for something or someone I will do everything in my power to take care of that responsibility – even when I probably should not.
  • [Believe the best]…This can go both ways.  I believe everyone deserves a second chance.  But I also have a hard time believing certain people would do the wrong thing because I just honestly think they are better than that.
  • [Stiffness or coldness]…I get that a lot!  People have often told me, after we’ve become friends, that they thought I was really cold at first.  It takes me awhile to warm up and if we are in a large group I definitely come across as stiff or cold, but I am usually just uncomfortable.
  • [Bad at delegating]…I do it at work and at home.  I want help, but then I just want to do it myself.  You can imagine how challenging this can be for my husband!!
  • [Frugal]…Yep, it’s true. I am very tight with money, but my husband is helping push me to relax a little and give myself and our family the freedom to occasionally enjoy the money we work so hard for.
  • [Keep feelings inside]…This one is so challenging for those around me and for me.  It is obvious when I am upset, however it takes me time to be able to explain what I am feeling.  Often times I and just cranky, but cannot give an explanation even though I want to talk through it – I just can’t.  Thankfully I married a patient man.

Ok, so for most of you that was probably very boring and if you are still reading this then you are my husband or one of my dear friends.  But this blog is more for me than anyone else anyway.  It’s where I process through things – such as my temperament.  It’s where I learn to articulate myself and attempt to (hopefully) break down some of that stiffness I too often show to others.

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May

2

2011

Inspired by the Reactions

I don’t know why, but all day today I have just felt like I want to cry.  I feel overwhelmed and stressed and it’s not about my to-do list.  I feel overwhelmed by the various responses and reactions I have read regarding the death of Osama Bin Laden.  It’s not even that though.  What overwhelms me the most is the variety of ways in which people respond and the subsequent tension that ensues.

I do not like tension.  I like that people can think differently, but when it turns into an argument I shut down, I erase my comments on facebook, I retreat.  I feel tense.  I feel teary.  I feel stressed.  We disagree – as a people we obviously do not all like the same political leaders, we do not feel the same about justice, we come from different families, we have different friends…that is the beauty of this life…but for me, it is also the strain.  It is our differences that cause tension and again, I do not like tension.

Since I was feeling so anxious and tense I began to ask myself why I always do this.  Why does tension cause me to react this way?  If I say I like our diversity of opinions the why do I freak out?  I went online and did the Myers-Briggs temperament test because I wondered if this response I have is my temperament.  Is this just who I am?

My temperament is ISFJ.  Stay tuned for my next post on what that means and my response to it.

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Mar

7

2011

Church

I recently began my return to church and this process has brought up so much emotion in me which I was not expecting.  About a year ago our family decided to take a much needed break from church.  We not only needed it as a family, but Jim and I both needed the break individually.  After months of counseling and working hard on ourselves as individuals (and our marriage) we came to the conclusion that we desperately needed this break from church.

Looking back now at that decision I can honestly say it was the best thing for me and for our family, but it has been a very hard year.  I often don’t know how to blog about this experience as I want to protect others involved and at the same time this experience has greatly shaped the way I view church and Christians.  Unfortunately, my experience of leaving church was not a good one.  It involved some intensely hurtful words, backs being turned, the loss of friendships I held dear and most of it all it broke down the positive image I had in my head of community and turned it into a negative, hurtful thing.

While my relationship with God has grown in the last year, I realize I still have intense hurt from the leaving process our family went through.  I don’t know what to do with that hurt and I am learning how to process it.  I am writer.  It is how I process what I feel and yet this is one of those situations in which words aren’t expressing the array of emotions I have.

For a long time I thought I was looking for an apology from those that hurt us the most, but now I realize that is not important.  I am beginning to see all the positive things that God has brought out of such an upsetting situation.  I am learning to look beyond the feeling of betrayal and to find comfort in the arms of my family.

Of course as I begin my return to church I find myself defensive and even cynical. I don’t want to be that way.  I want to be hopeful that this church community, while not perfect, is one that I can identify with and connect to.  So, here is to having hope and looking forward with a confident perspective.  Here’s to looking beyond the hurt and seeing the good – in others, in hurtful experiences, and in church.

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Mar

1

2011

Value of Time

Jim’s birthday is this month and while talking with his mother on the phone she asked what he wanted for his birthday.  After thinking for a moment he asked his mom how much money she would spend on him (an odd question I though until I realized where he was going with it).  When she gave him an amount he told his mom he wanted her to put that money aside and use it towards a plane ticket to come visit our family.  In the end the best gift one can give is time.

About a year ago Jim was working a full time job downtown.  One day he came to me and said he wanted things to change because he couldn’t stand that he didn’t have more time with our girls.  So, he began a freelance web design business and while he is very busy, he does have more time to spend with his daughters.  Jim understands that this time in their lives is so special and being at work all day everyday meant he wasn’t involved in the daily things that are so valuable and priceless.

The day to day life that Jim and I lead is very busy and full.  Often times we pass one another in the hallway as one of us arrives home from work and the other is leaving.  We have made a commitment to be home raising our daughters, but we also have bills to pay.  This means we work 5 part time jobs between the two of us while ensuring that one of us is always with the girls.  We have had to learn to balance a lot while also making sure we are taken care of as individuals and as a couple.

But what we have learned, and what I think my husband understands so well is that time is the best gift and that time passes so quickly.  Time as a family, time with grandparents, time going on adventures…these are times that create lasting memories and that means we need to do all we can to make sure the time together happens.

I love you Jim and I love our family and the wonderful time we have together.

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Jan

11

2011

My Mother

Today is my mothers birthday and all day I have been trying to figure out how I can adequately express how incredible of a woman my mom is.  If you ask my mom what she wants for her birthday (or mothers day or Christmas) she usually says “nothing”.  At least that was her answer all growing up.  Now she responds “for the girls to draw me a picture”.  And that summarizes my mom perfectly.  She is not, nor has she ever been, about material things.  Her main focus is others.

One of my all time favorite pictures: My grandmother, my mom and I…I aspire to be like these two ladies

My mom knows how to love.  She is incredibly giving.  She puts others WAY before herself.  She’ll do anything for you.  I mean, anything.  She keeps friends like nobody I have ever seen.  She lives freely and loves openly.

Recently I had to make a decision about a job and whether or not I was going to continue doing it.  I was really overwhelmed about what to do and all I wanted was to call my mom.  I still need her!  Sure enough she gave me great advice and reassured me through my tears.  My mom comes to visit fairly regularly and often times I find myself, between her visits, wishing she was here.

Look at that smile!

I don’t know how old my mom is….haha….but I do know that if you have ever had the privilege of meeting her you have seen her giving heart (and some of you have never even met her, but you have benefited from her giving heart).  I can only hope that whatever age my mom is that I will be half the woman she is when I get there.

And finally, for those of you who think I am crazy and take on too much in life (kids, family, multiple jobs)  – I learned that from my mom – she works so hard to be so many thing for others.  Those of who think I am a giving person – I learned that from my mom – whatever you need she’ll find a way to help.  I’d like to think I learned some of best qualities from my mom.  So, thank you mom for teaching me to love, to live freely, to give, and to support those in your life.

The best Oma Ever!

So, thank you mom for teaching me to love, to live freely, to give, and to support those in my life.

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Dec

23

2010

Champagne

I am really excited to announce that I am going to be joining the Champagne team!  What am I talking about you ask: Champagne Wedding and Event Coordination. Check them out at: http://www.champagnenw.com/

Sometimes an opportunity presents itself and you can’t help but feel like it is absolutely the right thing. This is what happened to me when I checked on the Champagne blog and noticed that they were hiring.  After the 2010 wedding season I wasn’t sure what direction to go with wedding planning.  I LOVE coordinating weddings, but running my own business all by myself was not the best thing for me.  I had met Rachelle from Champagne earlier in 2010 and was very impressed.  After meeting Mandi this week it was very clear to me that Champagne is the company I want to join.

I am really excited for the opportunity to work with Rachelle and Mandi and the rest of the Champagne team.  So, if you are getting married in 2011 or know someone who is check out Champagne!  I promise that you won’t be disappointed.

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Dec

8

2010

Parenting

A good friend recently asked me this question: “Whats one of the hardest things about being a parent?”

Here is the very honest answer I gave him:

1. You have to give up your life.
I know that sounds super dramatic, but in order to be a good parent you really do have to give up your life as you have known it.  I am not saying you have no life after children, but your life will be different and your children will be central.  That is definitely an adjustment.  You can’t just run out and grab coffee or a beer with friends.  Life as you have known it will change.

2. Your marriage is no longer your main focus.
You give so much of your time and energy to your children and by the end of the day you are exhausted.  When you finally have time in the day to be together most of the time you just don’t have the energy or you find yourself just talking about your children.  While this is not a bad thing, it just means that you spend less time focusing on the health of your marriage and the time you previously put into this is now put into your kids.

I hope that doesn’t all sound like having kids is a bad thing.  Truthfully, having children is the most incredible experience.  They bring amazing amounts of joy and often times I find myself laughing uncontrollably or being challenged in crazy ways by my kids.   At the end of the day all the great things they bring definitely outweigh all the challenges that come with raising kids.

If I can give you any advice it would be to make sure you guys take time for each other still.  Make that a priority and don’t forget to spend time as husband and wife and not just as mother and father.  As far as giving up your life – you have to accept that and go with it.  I guess you can fight that and not put your kids first, but then I don’t think you are being a good parent.  Instead, choose to embrace the shifting of your focus and love that change.”

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Nov

30

2010

Body Image

I have spent much of my life wondering why I don’t feel comfortable in my own body.  I honestly cannot explain why for so much of my life I had a skewed image of my body.  It wasn’t so much that I felt ugly (though at times I definitely have felt that) or overweight.  It’s really just that I felt uncomfortable.

I don’t get it.  So many of my girlfriends have struggled with their body image and they also see their bodies in a negative way.  Why is this such a struggle for women?

There has been a change recently.  I will not go so far as to say I LOVE my body just yet, but I think I am learning to be comfortable in my body.  I am not uncomfortable wearing clothes that are fitted and sometimes I even think I look pretty good.

You would think that after having two kids I would feel worse about my body, but for me it has been the opposite.  Maybe it’s that I had to get comfortable fast with showing off my body during both of my births (the first included a full emergency medical team in the room and the second included a small team in the room and I was completely nude!).  Or maybe it’s because I have a husband who thinks I am attractive and tells me often.  Or maybe it’s that I am wiser now and I see beyond all the superficial things I let affect me during adolescence.  I don’t know what it is, but it feels good.  It feels free.

While teaching and working with teenagers at youth group I have often spoke about seeing ourselves as beautiful.  I have stood in front of large and small groups of girls and tried to convey to them that they are each beautiful and that they should be comfortable in their body, but I never really understood why that was so important – because as I preached to them I myself did not feel comfortable.  Now I understand.  It goes beyond just loving yourself the way God made you or learning to see yourself the way others see you. Having a good image of your body is freeing.

I was a part of a bible study in college about freedom in our faith and so much of that study has impacted my faith life.  The last 6 months I have experienced freedom in my faith like never before.  It’s been wonderful.  Now, I see the impact of freedom regarding body image.  And this too is wonderful.

Living a life of freedom is the best way to live life.  In faith, in relationships, and in body image.

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Nov

18

2010

Friendship

I have learned so much about friendship over recent months.  I have learned what it means to truly love others and be there for them no matter what.  I have seen how much pain one can feel when a friend hurts.  Friendship truly is a beautiful thing and while I consider my husband to be my best friend, there is something so wonderful about girlfriends. They are vital and to live without them would just be insane.

Last weekend I got to spend 4 days in Austin, TX with some of the greatest ladies around.  I heard that somewhere near 900 pictures were taken over those 4 days (there is something to be said for having professional photographers as friends).  That should give you an idea of how much fun we had.

I think Mariko said it best on her blog so I am just going to steal what she said.

“We’re spread out among 5 states, but when we get the chance to all get together, I swear time stands still, the world stops turning, and epic-ness explodes on earth. We laugh, we cry, we embarrass each other, we encourage, we build up, we’re real, we love. We’re ourselves with no inhibitions.

Between all of us, the personalities couldn’t be more diverse. We’re crazy, we’re reserved, we’re loud, we’re quiet, we’re sweet, we’re blunt, we’re ridiculous, we’re calm, we’re dreamers, we’re logical, we’re risk takers, we play it safe. All put together, we’re a well rounded person…and that’s why our friendship is thicker than blood.”

So right Mariko!! These friendships mean the world to me and while I may not see these ladies as often as I would like I know that no matter what they have my back and I have theirs.  Life is full of so many ups and downs, but these ladies have proven to be here for me in the midst of it all.  Thank you friends for showing me that true friendships can and will survive distance, time, misunderstandings, changes, and differences.  You all give me hope in others.

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