Archive for the ‘Parenting’ category

May

10

2012

Friendship

If you read this blog chances are you already know that I have some of the most incredible friends (in fact you very well may be one of those friends).  At the beginning of my junior year of college I became friends with 4 girls who quickly became vital to me.  We spent so much time together and shared many incredible adventures together over the last two years of my college career.  In the 9 years since graduating from college that group has grown and we now total 9.  While the 9 of us don’t get to see each other as often as we would like, we try very hard to get together when we can.  We are spread out among 2 countries and 5 states in the US.  We skype and google chat often so that we can stay connected, and we text message each other almost daily.  These 8 friends continue to be vital to me.  I was the first among us to get married and the first to have kids and the love and support these 8 have shown me through all those exiting times has meant the world to me.  I have shared more tears with these girls and laughed harder with these girls than with anyone else (besides my husband).  VITAL.

When I was pregnant with Amalea they threw me a baby shower and at the end presented me with a gift that still makes me cry.  They had made Amalea a book with letters written specifically to her sharing their wisdom and love with her.  This is not a book made for me, but for my daughter.  They are her aunties and they love her so much and to be able to read her those letters and to pass the book on to her one day is so incredible.  They did the same for Maya.  And today, Olivia got a book as well.  It is Olivia’s first package and only second gift…and it is probably one of the most important things she will receive in her life.  Honestly.  It is one thing for a child to have  parents and family that love them, but for a group of people totally unrelated to love them and care for them the way my girls are loved…it’s something I cannot even put into words.  I am beyond blessed by my friendship with these 8.  My daughters are beyond blessed by these 8.

 

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June

10

2011

Roller coaster

So much of life feels like a roller coaster. One day can be so “up” where everything seems to be going right and then the next day can be “down” where everything comes with a challenge.  In fact, most days feel up and down and forward and backward and sometimes they even have upside down loops thrown in there! I don’t know if it’s because I have kids or what, but I’ve been feeling the roller coaster ride more than ever recently. My kids have the ability to bring me incredible joy one minute and then ultimate frustration the next. That is the joy of parenting though, right.  I have to learn to enjoy the roller coaster of raising toddlers, having girls who are stubborn and have strong opinions, and in the midst of it all I have to hold on to the moments that feel “up” where I can’t stop smiling and laughing.  This roller coaster ride will not go on forever, but I do have this moment.  So, I choose to put my hands up and take the ride (though at times I may scream or close my eyes) because it’s a beautiful roller coaster.

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May

13

2011

Moving Again

Recently our family made the decision to make another big move.  3 years ago Jim and I both knew we had to get out of where we were living.  We needed to go somewhere new, somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere neither of us had been – we had to do it together.  And it has been an incredibly wonderful 3 years and I would not trade it for anything.  But it has been hard.

In the last 3 years we have added to our family, we have changed jobs, we have made and lost friends, we have lost family members, we have experienced great joy and great sorrow and we have done it all without our families around us.  And it is time for that to change.

I miss my family.  I miss my mom and dad.  I love when my mom comes to visit or Jim’s mom comes to visit because my daughters absolutely light up.  They cannot get enough.  To give my girls the gift of more time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins – that is the best gift we can give them.  And to give our families more time with our daughters – well, who wouldn’t want that…my kids are pretty awesome!

There are a number of things that led to our decision to pack up our family and move back to California, but to a new town.  A town I have not lived in for 11 years now.  A town that is familiar to me, but has changed greatly.  But my parents are there and Jim’s are about 2 hours away.  It just makes sense.  We get to be closer to family and to us we realized that not making this move didn’t make sense.

It is not easy.  We love Portland.  It truly is the best city to raise a family in (at least in my opinion).  We love our friends here. We love our home.  We love the church we are a part of and the youth group there.  But I miss my family.  And so…we are now waiting.  We wait for someone to buy our house here in Portland so that we can move to Santa Cruz.  We pray it happens quickly so we can move this summer.  We believe this is the right decision and we trust that while it is hard, we will see the benefit of making the tough choice.

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May

6

2011

Witnessing an Accident

Tonight I made one of those parenting decisions that leaves you wondering if it was the right thing hours later.  We went out to dinner and while eating there was an accident outside of the window.  A person was crossing the street (which is a very busy street) and was hit by a car.  While we did not see the person get hit the restaurant became focused on the person laying in the street.  People responded to help the person hit, to direct traffic, to call for help, to calm the nerves of those involved.  We stayed at our table, but it was very apparent to everyone in the restaurant that something serious was going on outside.  Amalea came to sit on Jim’s lap and was obviously very concerned about what was going on.  Amalea asks a lot of questions and at this time her questions were all about what was going on.  What happened to the person?  Were they ok?  Why was everyone looking out the window?

I made the decision to take Amalea to see what was going on.  As we looked out the window Amalea and I talked about how we can respond to accidents and emergencies.  We talked about helping people when they get hurt.  We talked about strangers coming together to help someone in need.  We talked about firefighters and paramedics and how they help and are trained to respond to accidents and injuries.  Most of all we talked about helping and why that is so important.

So, the question is whether or not I should have taken her to look out the window?  She was obviously upset while sitting at our table (away from the window) and my hope was that by taking her to look out the window she would see that the person was ok and that people were working together to help.

Tonight while going to bed Amalea came out of her room crying.  She said she was really sad that someone got hurt and kept asking if the person was ok.  Her concern was sincere and it absolutely broke my heart.  And so now as I sit in bed with her asleep next to me I wonder if witnessing an accident was too much for her little 3 year old heart.

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December

8

2010

Parenting

A good friend recently asked me this question: “Whats one of the hardest things about being a parent?”

Here is the very honest answer I gave him:

1. You have to give up your life.
I know that sounds super dramatic, but in order to be a good parent you really do have to give up your life as you have known it.  I am not saying you have no life after children, but your life will be different and your children will be central.  That is definitely an adjustment.  You can’t just run out and grab coffee or a beer with friends.  Life as you have known it will change.

2. Your marriage is no longer your main focus.
You give so much of your time and energy to your children and by the end of the day you are exhausted.  When you finally have time in the day to be together most of the time you just don’t have the energy or you find yourself just talking about your children.  While this is not a bad thing, it just means that you spend less time focusing on the health of your marriage and the time you previously put into this is now put into your kids.

I hope that doesn’t all sound like having kids is a bad thing.  Truthfully, having children is the most incredible experience.  They bring amazing amounts of joy and often times I find myself laughing uncontrollably or being challenged in crazy ways by my kids.   At the end of the day all the great things they bring definitely outweigh all the challenges that come with raising kids.

If I can give you any advice it would be to make sure you guys take time for each other still.  Make that a priority and don’t forget to spend time as husband and wife and not just as mother and father.  As far as giving up your life – you have to accept that and go with it.  I guess you can fight that and not put your kids first, but then I don’t think you are being a good parent.  Instead, choose to embrace the shifting of your focus and love that change.”

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October

3

2010

What you see

A friend asked me a few months ago if I had ever spent a day with my left eye covered so that I could see the world as Amalea sees it.  I have not done that, but since she mentioned that I have been thinking a lot about this and have found myself covering my left eye at different points during the day to see from her perspective.  I realize how she really does miss some things and it makes sense why she cuts corners a little close sometimes or why she trips over things I think she should plainly see.

Last week Amalea lost her glasses for about 15 hours.  It was really scary for me.  That entire time I was so worried she was going to get hurt and that was going to be the end of her vision.  Let me be honest here – this might have been one of the first times I let the severity of her vision loss really hit me.

When you are pregnant you just assume your child will be perfect.  When you find out there is a problem you still assume it is nothing big.  And then when you see the strength and resilience of your child you feel confident that they are truly going to be fine.  It’s amazing how we can convince ourselves of things.  Yes, Amalea has adapted incredibly and most people would never know she was blind in her left eye or that her glasses did not help her to see, but just protected her from further injury.  But still  – she is blind in one eye!  Blind!  It all kind of hit me and I found myself really emotional and distraught.  This is my baby girl who I would do anything for and there really is nothing I can do to give her back her vision.  And that kills me.  It worries me.  It makes me sad.

I want Amalea to have everything she dreams of.  I want her to be successful in whatever she wants to pursue.  I want her to be strong and confident.  I want her to love unconditionally and forgive freely so that her love transforms others.  I don’t want anything to hold her back and I worry so much that her vision loss will interfere.  I guess I don’t really know what to do with my fears, but I am learning to trust that this is all a part of the little person that she is and that every obstacle in her life will contribute to the woman she will grow to be.

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August

4

2010

Marriage…according to Amalea

This morning my daughter, Amalea, and I were looking at wedding photography blogs.  She asked me if I was getting married and I explained to her that I had married her Daddy years ago.  Here is how the rest of our conversation went:

“What is married?” -  Amalea

“When you get older you will fall in love.  You will have a best friend who you want to spend all of your time with and who you just can’t get enough of.  They will make you very happy, you will be able to laugh and be silly with them all you want.  When you find that best friend who you love you get married to them.” – Me

“When I’m bigger…I can marry Daddy…and Mommy…and Maya…and my neighbors” – Amalea: asked like a question

“Do you love Daddy and Mommy and Maya and your neighbors?” – Me

“YES!!!!” – Amalea

The conversation ended here.  How could I tell her no.  If you want to be reminded of the purity of love just ask an almost three year old to tell you who she loves.  The list will be long, but I can guarantee it is a list filled with pure love – love that does not hold grudges because someone was mean or because someone told you no when you really wanted something.  It does not care that you haven’t seen someone in a long time.  While it is not a passionate romantic love, it is a love we all long to have – pure, joyful, forgiving and so so much fun!

My philosopher

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