A friend asked me a few months ago if I had ever spent a day with my left eye covered so that I could see the world as Amalea sees it.  I have not done that, but since she mentioned that I have been thinking a lot about this and have found myself covering my left eye at different points during the day to see from her perspective.  I realize how she really does miss some things and it makes sense why she cuts corners a little close sometimes or why she trips over things I think she should plainly see.

Last week Amalea lost her glasses for about 15 hours.  It was really scary for me.  That entire time I was so worried she was going to get hurt and that was going to be the end of her vision.  Let me be honest here – this might have been one of the first times I let the severity of her vision loss really hit me.

When you are pregnant you just assume your child will be perfect.  When you find out there is a problem you still assume it is nothing big.  And then when you see the strength and resilience of your child you feel confident that they are truly going to be fine.  It’s amazing how we can convince ourselves of things.  Yes, Amalea has adapted incredibly and most people would never know she was blind in her left eye or that her glasses did not help her to see, but just protected her from further injury.  But still  – she is blind in one eye!  Blind!  It all kind of hit me and I found myself really emotional and distraught.  This is my baby girl who I would do anything for and there really is nothing I can do to give her back her vision.  And that kills me.  It worries me.  It makes me sad.

I want Amalea to have everything she dreams of.  I want her to be successful in whatever she wants to pursue.  I want her to be strong and confident.  I want her to love unconditionally and forgive freely so that her love transforms others.  I don’t want anything to hold her back and I worry so much that her vision loss will interfere.  I guess I don’t really know what to do with my fears, but I am learning to trust that this is all a part of the little person that she is and that every obstacle in her life will contribute to the woman she will grow to be.

This morning my daughter, Amalea, and I were looking at wedding photography blogs.  She asked me if I was getting married and I explained to her that I had married her Daddy years ago.  Here is how the rest of our conversation went:

“What is married?” -  Amalea

“When you get older you will fall in love.  You will have a best friend who you want to spend all of your time with and who you just can’t get enough of.  They will make you very happy, you will be able to laugh and be silly with them all you want.  When you find that best friend who you love you get married to them.” – Me

“When I’m bigger…I can marry Daddy…and Mommy…and Maya…and my neighbors” – Amalea: asked like a question

“Do you love Daddy and Mommy and Maya and your neighbors?” – Me

“YES!!!!” – Amalea

The conversation ended here.  How could I tell her no.  If you want to be reminded of the purity of love just ask an almost three year old to tell you who she loves.  The list will be long, but I can guarantee it is a list filled with pure love – love that does not hold grudges because someone was mean or because someone told you no when you really wanted something.  It does not care that you haven’t seen someone in a long time.  While it is not a passionate romantic love, it is a love we all long to have – pure, joyful, forgiving and so so much fun!

My philosopher