These last few months have not been a high point in my life.  I have not been at my best. I have been impatient, short tempered, easily frustrated, overwhelmed, emotional, unrealistic.  I have not been the best mother I can – hell, I haven’t even been a very decent mother at times.  I have not been the most loving wife.

And the thing is….I would do anything for my kids and my husband.  But lately, I just haven’t done much of anything at all for them.  Jim is the most amazing husband and father.  I have a husband who wants to co-parent, who wants to talk me through my emotional break-downs, who challenges me to be better, who shows me what it means to have faith and trust in God, who gives and gives and gives.  I have Amalea who is so quirky and so wonderful, who makes friends everywhere she goes, who loves to laugh and play dress-up, who wants to learn to read and write, who is so curious and so incredibly loving of all people.  I have Maya who gives the best hugs, who lives to make others laugh, who waddles around talking in sentences, who follows her sister and mimics her every move, who loves her family more than anything.  These 3 people are my everything.

And I have failed them lately.  But this post is not about how terrible I am – it is about hope.  In my daily verse email today this verse was sent to me:

“My child, eat honey, for it is good, and the drippings of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste.  Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, you will find a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”  -Proverbs 24:13-14

Wisdom is knowing how much I have been given and how to show my appreciation.  It is being better for my husband, for Amalea, for Maya, and for myself. Wisdom is choosing to be at my best and.  My family is like sweet honey – so freaking unbelievable – and I need to enjoy them and love them and be with them and they will be my hope.

I am cheap.  I like to save money.  I like to find a deal.  I like to say “not now because we really can’t afford it”.

But I am learning that splurging is necessary.  Now, I am not talking about going out and spending money we don’t have.  I am talking about finding ways to treat myself and my family to things we deserve.  An ice cream cone, a night away in a hotel to a place we haven’t been, maybe even a massage or pedicure, a new book – simple things maybe, but things that we can afford to do.

Yes, it is good to save and plan for the future, but it is also good to enjoy the now.  I have spent too much of my time acting like we can’t do anything fun because its not responsible financially – but then we went away for a night to the Oregon Coast Aquarium.  It was then I realized how important these adventures as a family are.  We needed a night away – all 4 of us needed it.  We swam in the hotel pool, we ate dinner out, we didn’t have to clean the house or make the beds – it is was so refreshing.  When we got back I even made reservations to spend a night in Seattle (which I had been wanting to do for some time, but hadn’t allowed myself to do).  Again, we swam in the pool, we went to the tourist places, we saw friends and we had a blast.

I have been wanting to get a gym membership for some time, but keep saying I don’t want to spend the money.  Finally, there was a deal and I splurged and did it.  It is what I needed – time for myself to be active.  It’s worth the splurge and I only wish I had allowed myself to do it sooner.

In the end I am learning that, while saving money is incredibly important, finding times to treat myself or my family is equally important. And simple treats are so much fun too!

Stress…it is an awful thing.  I don’t know anyone that enjoys stress and yet we often put ourselves into stressful situations.  I have come to understand that stress is a part of life – that doesn’t mean I like it though.

I feel like the last two weeks have been incredibly stressful on our family.  There have been multiple times that I begin to formulate a blog post in my head and yet when I sit down to write nothing comes out.  Stress seems to overwhelm all aspects of life when you are under it and it becomes impossible to clearly think through anything.

Our family has made the decision to move.  We want to be closer to family, but the other reason is that we want to simplify our lives.  We want to eliminate some of the stresses in our lives.  We need this.  We desperately need this.  We want to focus on raising our daughters. We want to add to our family. We want to adventure. We want to see more of this world. We want to show our children what it means to serve, to help, to love. We want to connect deeply with others. We have so many goals for our family and often those goal are lost in the stress of life. It’s time to take more deep breathes, to hear the waves crash, to hear laughter more often.

Today is my mothers birthday and all day I have been trying to figure out how I can adequately express how incredible of a woman my mom is.  If you ask my mom what she wants for her birthday (or mothers day or Christmas) she usually says “nothing”.  At least that was her answer all growing up.  Now she responds “for the girls to draw me a picture”.  And that summarizes my mom perfectly.  She is not, nor has she ever been, about material things.  Her main focus is others.

One of my all time favorite pictures: My grandmother, my mom and I…I aspire to be like these two ladies

My mom knows how to love.  She is incredibly giving.  She puts others WAY before herself.  She’ll do anything for you.  I mean, anything.  She keeps friends like nobody I have ever seen.  She lives freely and loves openly.

Recently I had to make a decision about a job and whether or not I was going to continue doing it.  I was really overwhelmed about what to do and all I wanted was to call my mom.  I still need her!  Sure enough she gave me great advice and reassured me through my tears.  My mom comes to visit fairly regularly and often times I find myself, between her visits, wishing she was here.

Look at that smile!

I don’t know how old my mom is….haha….but I do know that if you have ever had the privilege of meeting her you have seen her giving heart (and some of you have never even met her, but you have benefited from her giving heart).  I can only hope that whatever age my mom is that I will be half the woman she is when I get there.

And finally, for those of you who think I am crazy and take on too much in life (kids, family, multiple jobs)  – I learned that from my mom – she works so hard to be so many thing for others.  Those of who think I am a giving person – I learned that from my mom – whatever you need she’ll find a way to help.  I’d like to think I learned some of best qualities from my mom.  So, thank you mom for teaching me to love, to live freely, to give, and to support those in your life.

The best Oma Ever!

So, thank you mom for teaching me to love, to live freely, to give, and to support those in my life.