Friendship: quality vs quantity

It used to be important to me that I had a lot of friends. In high school I prided myself on being accepted by multiple groups and if I’m honest I was proud to be on homecoming court because that meant a lot of people liked me. I was all about quantity and really I think I’ve been that way until recently. Even when we moved to Portland the first time, we got plugged into a church community and met a lot of people. When all those friendships fell apart I think I started to really look at the people around me with different eyes. I no longer craved being surrounded by lots of people and activity and instead I longed for a few who I really could share life with. When we then moved to Santa Cruz I really struggled with not connecting deeply with many people. I felt really out of place in many of my relationships there and that was hard for me. So, now here we are in Portland again and I finally see my friendships truly being about quality rather than quantity. Of course I understand that some people are fueled by having lots of friends and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. But I do know that doesn’t work for me. I’m a person that needs to be known – not just the surface me, but the deep soulful passionate me. I need to be able to share all aspects of life with others. I need to be able to have shitty days and know that’s ok. I need to be able to talk deeply and honestly. That is where I get my fuel. So I look at my life now and while I may not be surrounded by a huge crowd, I’m so fulfilled by my few closest friends. I’m certainly open to making more friends and welcome all opportunities, however I’m looking for quality. Because for me personally quality is vital – it’s what I need.


October 1st, 2013 by Robin Leave a reply »


  1. I’m sure glad to be one of them. Thankful to share the joys and hurts of life with you. Love you.

  2. Rebekah says:

    I’m so thankful to have you in my life, Robin! You are a wonderful friend! I’ve told you before the strange and wonderful sense of peace I got knowing you guys were moving back to Portland. I’m so very glad to have you so near again, even if we don’t even see each other every day!

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